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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Mistaken Identities: Taylorisms


Taylor, age 10, is a funny girl who seems to live entirely in her own little world. She is one of those "book smart" kids who isn't always aware of the real world going on around her. This lends itself to some interesting conversations:

Taylor: (out of the blue) "Isn't it amazing that Ozzy Osbourne was in 'Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat'?!? He did such a great job!"
ME: (chuckling) "Uh, yeah, that would be amazing. But, honey, that wasn't Ozzy Osbourne."
Taylor: (in her 'well-duh' voice) "It was totally Ozzy Osbourne. I looked at the end credits and everything. Hellooooo! He was the star of the show! He was Joseph!"
ME: (laughing) "Ozzy Osbourne was NOT Joseph in that play! You're talking about Donny Osmond..."
Taylor: (cutting me off) "That's what I said! Ozzy Osbourne. Anyways, I had no idea that he was such a fantastic actor. And singer!"
ME: (laughing) "Ozzy's something else, all right. And some people think he's a good singer, but he was definitely NOT in 'Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat.'"
Taylor: (sigh) "Go look it up, Mom. He's Joseph! And what's even more amazing is that he can sing and act when you consider that he's blind."
ME: "He's blind?!?"
Taylor: (heavy sigh) "Don't you ever look at magazines, Mom? He's always wearing his blind glasses. In real life, anyways. He is inspirational."
ME: "I don't even know what to tell you right now."
(ironically, Donny Osmond and Ozzy Osbourne were actually on the same television program this week- "Dancing With the Stars". How surreal to have the two of them together! I nearly dragged Taylor out of bed to witness the sources of her confusion, but decided against it. And, truthfully, Ozzy's glasses do make him look visually impaired.)


Taylor: "I am doing my history report on John F. Kennedy. He was such a great president."
ME: "Oh, that would be a neat report to write. I did a lot of research on him when I was in high school. It's so sad about how he died."
Taylor: "Yeah... that darn cancer."
ME: "Ummm, sweetie, JFK was assassinated."
Taylor: "I know. By cancer. Was it lung cancer?"
ME: "Um, no, it wasn't cancer at all. He was killed."
Taylor: "By cancer. I know. I wrote all about it in my report."
ME: "Oh, dear. Really? Did you write that in your report? Have you already turned it in? Cuz he didn't die of cancer, honey. He was shot."
Taylor: (gasping) "No way! That was Lincoln!"
ME: "Yes, Lincoln, too. But John F. Kennedy was also shot and killed."
Taylor: "I think you're wrong."
ME: "No, honey, really. JFK was shot! If you researched him, you must have read that."
Taylor: (pause) "Oh... yeah, now that I think about it, I remember. He WAS shot! But it wasn't that big of a deal. It didn't kill him. He survived it. And THEN he died of cancer."
ME: (completely stumped) "Honey, please don't make me pull up the Zapruder films. Seriously, he was shot. He lost most of the top of his head, and he didn't survive it. Where exactly are you getting your research materials from?"
Taylor: "Well now you're just being sick. I don't want to think about somebody's head being shot."
(heavy pause while both of us are confused beyond belief.)
Taylor: "Well, at least he had a good acting career. Not all presidents can say that."
ME: "Honey, did you maybe do your report on Ronald Reagan?"
Taylor: "Oh, yeah! That's who it was! Ronald Reagan. He was such a great president."
(and Taylor walks away, completely unfazed, while I'm left slightly traumatized by the entire conversation.)

Last spring. Taylor was in her school production of "The Wizard of Oz", proudly playing the great Oz himself. This performance coincided with a Broadway production of "Wicked" here in Jacksonville, and we were lucky enough to get tickets through her school's drama club. Carter, who was already familiar with the play came with Taylor and I. On the drive over, he put the Wicked CD in for us all to hear. About 5 songs into it, Taylor pipes up from the backseat: "Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! This Wicked play is a total rip-off of The Wizard of Oz! Are you kidding me? They like totally copycatted the whole thing. They even use the name Glinda, like in our play. Unbelievable! Talk about a lack of creativity!"

And so you can see why so many times we are left speechless (and utterly baffled) by our Taylor girl! There's never a dull moment with her around!

8 comments:

Bethany said...

I can't quit laughing!

Casey Gentle said...

HILARIOUS! Ronald Reagan, JFK- same difference! She's a hoot!

kelly said...

oh that girl, i can't ever get over the "sugar bowl" treat!! she is funny! and we know oh so smart!
i have been wanting to ask about that girl abducted from orange park, SO scary!! is that right in your area?

Julie K said...

Oh. Oh My. I do believe I tinkled a little bit.

I just love that girl TO BITS. She is a true inspiration! I love that she just continues on with her day, completely non-plussed even after being told that she is wrong. I have a few children who freak their noodle whenever they are "proven wrong". Gee, I wonder where they get it??

Love love triple love the Taylor stories, keep 'em coming!

Julie K said...

Okay, is it me? I am here on your blog daily (a girl can dream, can't she?) and just today up pops the "Sept. 30th" Taylor post. I don't get it...

Jill said...

Hey Kelly would you mind if I put these on my blog?...they are just too good! They remind me of some conversations I had with 2 of my sons in the past..but not as detailed (being they are males) but I understand this type...very smart just sort of out to lunch continually. Taylor is way too cute!And the way you tell it all, hysterical!
Let me know if it's okay. If I don't hear from you I won't put it on.

My email:
Jillyds@sbcglobal.net

Jill Heasley Shelley

Sondra said...

Hi Kelly,
I have never looked at your blog before, but saw the link on the other Kelly's blog and clicked on it. I have to say reading some of your posts was the best entertainment I've had today. I couldn't stop laughing. Your house must be so fun! Thanks for sharing!

Katie said...

I love it! And...I've got one.

Katie, Carter, and Taylor, are walking around the different country's booths in Epcot.

Taylor: Wow, this is amazing! I can't believe Epcot could fit ALL of the fifty countries!
Silence...
Carter: Um, what did you say Tay Tay?
Taylor: Ya know, they have booths and stores for all fifty countries?
Carter: I think you're thinking of the states...
Taylor: Oh... Yeah.
Katie chuckles on the inside. Doesn't want to embarrass her niece, ya know.

PS...you didn't hear that from me...