Friday, February 22, 2008

"You Know You Have a Lot of Kids When..."

Along the lines of "if we don't laugh about this stuff, it just might kill us!", some friends and I started this running list. We got a little carried away, and probably had way more fun with it than we should have! BTW, Mindy has six children ages 7 and under (yes, you read that right!) and Michelle has 5 children under the age of 9. So I went to the right pals on this one! They came up with all the funny ones. :) If you enjoy the list and have any to add, please leave it in a comment, and I'll be sure to put it in for everyone! Here we go:

You Know You Have A Lot of Kids When…

1. you need a mnemonic device to remember all of their names
2. you monitor the price of milk like the stock market
3. you go shopping with a third of your kids and people still say you have your hands full
4. your husband asks for a piece of gum or candy and you automatically unwrap it before handing it to him
5. you consider it a good month because you only had to go to the pediatrician’s office four times
6. you own more sippy cups than drinking glasses
7. your children refer to your family room as “the play room”, no matter how nicely you decorate it
8. your entire life revolves around naptime
9. all of your neighbors pull up lawn chairs and “watch the show” as you load everybody into the van to go to church
10. you find yourself at the store and look down to realize that you are wearing two different colored flip-flops, but move forward with your shopping anyways because it already took you an hour to leave the house
11. the cleaning of your car could be featured on the show “Dirty Jobs”
12. you find yourself envious of the octopus because, boy would it be great to have a few more sets of arms!
13. you never see the bottom of your hamper
14. your children have inadvertently called “911” so many times that the sheriff’s office recognizes your number and has actually threatened to fine you (true story!)
15. your slogan changes from “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” to “wipes are a mom’s best friend”
16. all of your vehicles are minivans, and they’re STILL not big enough
17. the combined ages of your children outnumber your IQ
18. you automatically cut up the pancakes for your adult houseguests
19. you walk around humming the “hot dog song” from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse… nonstop
20. you have more carseats than empty seats in your vehicle
21. you’ve been banned from O’Charleys and every other restaurant where “kids eat free.”
22. every time you go out to eat, the entire restaurant stops to stare in a mixture of curiosity and horror
23. going to the bathroom becomes a public event
24. the dishwasher, washing machine, and clothes dryer are running all of the time
25. 45% of your grocery bill always ends up in the garbage
26. you actually feel a little homicidal when somebody dares ring the bell or knock loudly during naptime
27. you spend a great amount of time “shush’ing” the people around you
28. you are asked, most everywhere you go, “ Wow- you do know what causes that, right?”
29. alternately, you are told, most everywhere you go, “Jeez, you must be either Catholic or Mormon.”
30. you and your pediatrician are on a first-name basis, and you can’t help but notice that you see more of him than your husband
31. your remote control and cordless phone are found in the oddest places… the dryer, the piano bench, the toilet…
32. your favorite movie becomes “Barbie as the Nutcracker”, and you know every line of the movie, including the dance moves (which end up being your only exercise workout for the day)
33. your family snarfs an entire loaf of bread in one sitting
34. the cleaning of your car could be featured on the show “Dirty Jobs”
35. your favorite daily get-away is going out to get the mail, but half-way through one of your kids runs out the door after you, yelling, “MOMMY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!?”
36. the only time your house stays clean is between the hours of 11 p.m. and 6 a.m. (ie- “cleaning the house for the angels”)
37. you wonder if you should apply for “Supernanny”… just to get a break
38. there seems to be a new stain on the carpet daily (and nobody knows where it came from!)
39. your nail polish has been chipping away for four months, and you keep promising yourself, “I’ll paint my nails tomorrow when I have the time.”
40. you wake up in the morning during flu season and are grateful that only two of your children are covered in vomit
41. you could write a 5-page comparative analysis on the merits of each brand of diaper on the market
42. you find yourself being constantly argued over (“My mommy!” “No, my mommy!”) and wish you could be flattered, but instead are so sick of this particular argument that it’s all you can do to say, “I’m EVERYBODY’S Mommy!”
43. you go into a room and lock the door, and suddenly feel like you’re in the movie “Mission Impossible” as your little ones end up breaking in
44. you tell your kids to go into their rooms and please play quietly for one hour and, five minutes into it, they yell, “CAN WE COME OUT YET?!?”
45. strangers automatically assume that you run a daycare


Sarah said...

Yea!!! I'm so glad you started this. Tell Quinn that blog reading is often the highlight of my day.

Rachel said...

Yay! I'm so happy you have a blog! I've been meaning to send you my blog address for a while.

And tell Quinn that blogging and reading blogs is my favorite time of day, too.

I'm glad to be able to catch up and see what funny things the kids are doing. I love reading about the daily grind, especially from you, keep it up!

Love you!

kandcpoduska said...

I love this posting. I laugh so hard at almost every one of the "You know you have a lot of kids when"... but it really should be titled "You Know You are a Good Parent When..."
Keep the posts coming!
Lots of love!

SpaceyKasey said...

You guys are too funny! I'm impressed with your blogging nying nying nying. :)

Anonymous said...

Beautiful Blog!! Look, you are already a pro! -keep up the great work :)
~Michelle :)

Christine said...

Cute blog. You are amazing! I don't know how you do it all! Keep up the good work!
- Christine

Christine said...

Cute blog. You are amazing! I don't know how you do it all! Keep up the good work!

Christy Bishop said...

these are so funny! I especially relate to cleaning my car being on the show Dirty Jobs! Can't wait to hear what happens next in the Bastian household!