Overheard: Gender Inequality

This is the discussion I just overheard while the kids were watching "Elmo's World":

Bailey: "I don't get it... is Elmo a boy or a girl?"

Sydney: "Well his voice is like a girl, I think."

Riley: "Yeah, and he has eyelashes, so I think he IS a girl."

Tanner: "No, guys, everybody has eyelashes. See, I'm a boy and I even have eyelashes."

(they all stand within inches of Tanner's face and examine his eyelashes.)

Bailey: "You're right! You do!"

Tanner: "Yep. It's how I give butterfly kisses."

Sydney: "So Elmo has eyelashes and is a boy!"

Bailey: "I know! I know! Elmo is a boy and Zoe is a girl."

Tanner: "Yes, you are exactly right."

Me: "I think that's true, guys. Elmo is a boy and Zoe is a girl."

Sydney: "But Ernie is a boy. And Bert is a boy."

Riley: "And Cookie Monster is a boy. And Telly is a boy, I think."

Bailey: "And Grover is a boy. Is Big Bird a boy?"

Tanner: "Yes, he is a little boy."

Riley: "Aren't there any girls on Sesame Street?"

Me: "Well, there's Zoey, and, uh.... uh... Rosita!"

Sydney: "We don't like Rosita."

Bailey: "Yeah, we don't like Rosita."

Tanner: "So look at that... everybody great is boys! Boys rock!"

Leader of the Pack

As previously mentioned, we have a new addition to our family: little Ellie Belly who is no bigger than a minute. Getting a pet for the first time was interesting for us... in many ways, it might have been easier to have another newborn since we were already schooled in babies. With puppies, we were clueless!

Coincidentally, I caught an episode of "Jon and Kate Plus 8" last week and they just got 2 puppies. Yes, TWO! (Those Gosselins have to one-up us on everything!) :) The episode was hilarious because Kate expressed sentiments similar to ours- maybe babies are easier than puppies?!?

I have no room to complain. We've had Ellie for over a month and I think we've had 4 "accidents"- all on tile flooring, and all our fault for not taking her out often enough. Lesson learned! She doesn't whimper at night, she doesn't bark, she doesn't scratch at the door or chew things up. She is a piece of cake. (Which means that if we ever get another dog, we are gonna get hammered!)

The hard part, really, was just figuring out what the heck to do with a puppy. Upon the recommendation of a savvy friend, we got Cesar Milan's book, "Member of the Family". Fabulous book. (Thank you, Kelly!) I had trouble tearing it away from Quinn, who loved to pepper me with all kinds of dog trivia while reading it. He got very into it, and determined that we had to work hard to establish good habits with the puppy. He began taking her on regular leashed walks which was hilarious because it looked like he was essentially trying to walk a gerbil.

Quinn also decided that we needed to let the puppy know right from the get-go that we are the "leaders of the pack." As Quinn explained this philosophy to me, we started drawing parallels to parenting and realized that some of the suggestions just might work on our kids! (I mean, the dog was already a gem, but our kids could always use a little work!) As we read on, we realized

that sometimes the kids are totally leading our pack! (when you are this outnumbered, I suppose it's somewhat inevitable.) But now we were equipped to change it!

One day we were getting in the car and Bailey started having a melt down. She refused to get buckled into her carseat. Very calmly, Quinn leaned down, looked her right in the face and said, "Bailey, I am the leader of the pack. You are not the leader of the pack. You will do what I say. Now get in your seat." Shockingly, she immediately calmed down, got in her seat and buckled up. She even smiled.

Weird. We tried it again throughout the week. It always worked. It's gotten to the point that all we have to do is ask, "Who is the leader of the pack?" and the kids automatically respond, "Mommy! Daddy! We are part of the team, but you're the boss!" Brainwashing at it's best, but if it works, I'll take it!

We should have gotten a dog earlier so we could have accessed these amazing parenting secrets! Luckily, it's never too late to teach an old dog (or kid) new tricks.

Note to Self: Lessons I Learned this Week

1. No matter how hard you try to keep a sick kid separate from the healthy ones, they’re all going to get it anyways. Be proactive and get it over with: stick them all in a small room together and load up on the Motrin.

2. The flu shots we all got in October apparently did not apply to the four different strains of flu that we have managed to catch, mutate, and share over the past three weeks.

3. There's nothing that sky-rockets my blood pressure more than taking the temperature of one of my kids and watching it shoot up to over 104 degrees. Except maybe when it happens the next day to a different kid and it hits 105!

4. My pediatrician's office doesn't do any "4-for-the-price-of-1" co-pay discounts.

5. A trip to the zoo doesn’t “count” if you don’t get to see the elephants. You will be reminded every day that you have to go back. Your children will actually feel cheated that they "smelled elephant poop" but didn't get to see the giants themselves.

6. The best way to make telemarketers stop calling is to put Sydney on the line, who will not only talk the poor salesperson to death, but will also start to sing her "gospel" songs that she's made up. (Unbeknownst to me, she answered the phone while I was cleaning up vomit and she had a grand conversation where she learned that "Miss Jennifer has 2 cats named Snickers and Cookie and she's allergic to peanut butter and she doesn't have any kids to play with and no husband or daddy either." We haven't heard from Jennifer again.)

7. It is actually possible (but not recommended) to bathe your new puppy more than you bathe your children.
8. If you leave a marker within arm’s reach while your 3 year-old is holding the puppy, you will soon have a blue puppy. (Despite Bailey's protests that she was just trying to “make a picture of the puppy’s handprints.”)
9. If you get nauseous to the point of nearly throwing up when your 13 year old is sitting on stage for a piano competition, then you probably won’t make a very good “stage mother.” Encourage him to pursue other interests that won’t require you to get a prescription for Xanax.

(In other words: we went to the zoo on Monday, everybody was running fevers or had been diagnosed with strep throat later in the week, and Carter had his big piano competition on Friday. Busy, exhausting week! But congrats to Carter who earned a "Superior" rating in both his solo performance and his concerto. Now, if only he'd quit while he is ahead so I don't have to sit in nervous agony before his performances ever again!)

Puppy Love

So we got a dog. This is a big move for us- we've never even had a pet! We "puppy sat" for some friends over Christmas and fell in love with their dog, and the seed was planted: maybe this was something we could actually do. A week later we found a gorgeous little puppy that was finally ready to come home to us this past week. She was born on Christmas Eve so the kids named her Noel, but we call her Ellie, and this is one loved little puppy! In fact, the hard part so far has been setting the timer every fifteen minutes so that everyone can take turns holding her! I know I'm a sucker, but take a look at her picture... how could I resist?!?

It just so happened that Tanner's "letter of the week" was "P". On Friday he had to bring in a "P" word item for show-and-tell. Well, it took him about half a second to recognize that puppy is a "P" word. And so Ellie had her preschool debut!

Overheard: Santa Stuff

Tanner: "That's it, Sydney! I'm sayin a prayer to Jesus to tell Santa not to bring you any presents!"

Bailey: "Wouldn't it be fun to go visit Santa? I know: we could bring our swimming suits and go swimming with him!!!"

Mom: "Uh... it's freezing cold at the North Pole. I don't think we'd want to swim there."

Bailey: "But yes we would. Santa has a HUGE swimming pool there at the North Pool. Dats why it's called the North Pool. We can totally go swimming there!"

Tanner: "I just love the racecar set Santa broughted to me! But I wish I had another racecar, too... Oh, wait! I need to be thankful, don't I? We need to be thankful for what we get from Santa, and we need to be thankful for what we get from Jesus, and we need to be thankful for what we get from garage sales... and Walmart, too." (???)

Bailey has never been a big fan of Santa. As a toddler, she'd shriek "No Santa! No Santa!" whenever the topic came up. Last year, she would shudder and shake if we approached him at the mall or at a Christmas party, and she spoke of him with fear for months to follow: "No more Santa, right? Santa is all gone, right?" But she steeled herself this year to be brave so that she could at least tell Santa what she wanted. I would overhear her giving herself pep talks. (eg- "Santa isn't scary and I won't cry when I see him cuz I will be very, very brave.") When we saw him at our ward Christmas party, she timidly walked up to him, shaking, and allowed herself to be next to him.... so long as Quinn was holding her. Progress! She told him what she wanted, and then she turned to me and yelled, "Hey! Santa's not so bad after all!!!" (I don't know... she still looks pretty leary to me.)

Carter was happy to hang out with Santa's cute elves...

And Taylor told Santa she wanted a driver's license... (SO SO scary!)

Tanner-Knievel: Our Little Daredevil

Let me preface by saying that I would almost rather have one of my children end up in prison than grow up to be a stuntman. Seriously. I wonder how Jackie Chan's mother gets through the day.

asdf

So imagine my surprise (and terror) as I discover that Tanner is a fearless little daredevil. I have done nothing to nurture these tendencies but find that they are growing despite my attempts to squelch them.

I've already posted a picture of Tanner sitting at the very tippy-top of our outdoor playset. He's been doing that particular stunt for MONTHS now, and it no longer stops my heart a few beats to find him on his favorite perch. He has recently graduated to new tricks: A few weeks ago, upon parking in the driveway after preschool pick-up, I told Tanner he could go ahead and get out of the minivan and head into the house while I talked to Carter through the driver's side window. I was suddenly startled to hear noises above my head: SOMETHING was on TOP of the van! Carter, wide-eyed with fear and admiration, cried out, "Oh my gosh! Tanner is on the van! How the heck did he get up there?!?" Sure enough, Tan was standing on the minivan rooftop, arms raised in triumph, shouting, "I am SO COOL!!!" And then, as I scrambled to react without panic. . . of course, he jumped.

asdf

The following week, I heard thumping noises upstairs and asked Carter to check on the kids. "If they're jumping on Tanner's bed again, tell them they're in big trouble!" I instructed. He came back with a stupefied grin, "Well, they're not jumping on the bed, but I think you'd better come see this for yourself!" I walked into Tanner's room to find him standing on top of his narrow 4' high dresser, waiting for me. Before I had time to freak out, he launched into a full-on aerial front flip onto the middle of his bed! Then without missing a beat, stood up, took the first of several bows, and said, "Thank you! Thank you very much!"

Since then, I have found him shimmying up the column in front of our house (trying to get to the roof), walking on TOP of the monkey bars, and teaching the triplets how to do dive rolls off the living room couch. He is forever flipping and rolling and jumping and twirling, and he is confident that all these stunts make him very, very cool.

asdf

It doesn't help that he's found a true fan in his big brother; Carter probably wishes he could get away with half of Tanner's tricks. "He is the coolest four-year-old ever!" I heard Carter say. He finds Tan's stunts amazing and captivating. I find them horrifying beyond measure, but what's a mother to do? I've considered covering him in bubble-wrap and making him wear a helmet, but I suspect that this would only give him (and me) a false sense of security. So instead I keep hoping that this is a phase he'll outgrow. Soon.

asdf

p.s.- Tanner has blue hair because of "Crazy Hair Day" at preschool. The interior ceiling of my van still has fluorescent blue marks everywhere-testament to his Tigger-like bounciness. And you may note an injury by his mouth in some of the photos. Occupational hazard of being a daredevil, perhaps? Actually, this particular injury came from ticking off one of his sisters: occupational hazard of being Bailey's brother.

Halloween Pics

Finally... I am posting our Halloween costume pictures. It was a blast-- the kids were SO into it this year! (Even Carter, who took great pains to dress up as the Joker. Take note: I did his Joker makeup while driving to the church party, at night, in the dark. Pretty proud of myself. Perhaps I missed my true calling in life as a makeup artist?!?)

You would think that the costumes require no explanation, but as is our way, there's a story behind each of them. As follows:

Carter- the Joker ("but not the cheesy joker from the other Batmans. The Dark Knight Joker.") He refused to consider the pre-fab Joker costumes found at every costume shop in the city ("too lame") and also refused my creative ideas born of desperation (such as Rit-dying a lab coat purple). Instead, he waited til the last possible second, assuming that I had taken care of it and then wondered why I hadn't gotten him a costume. Hmm... so we improvised with a Dark Knight Joker t-shirt and sloppy makeup.

Taylor- "Mrs. Edward Cullen" (ie- vampire bride, based upon the Twilight book series. A series she has never read, but has heard Quinn, Carter and I talk about at great length.) I bought a fancy makeup kit and Taylor insisted on doing it herself, despite my evident skills. She also wore a nametag that said, "Hello, I'm ... Mrs. Cullen." (It's all in the details, even if nobody else knows what you're talking about, right?)

Tanner- Knight in "Shiny" Armour (who refused to wear his shiny armour for more than 5 seconds, despite major attempts at candy bribery.) At the last moment, he also found last year's costume and decided to be "Mr. Incredible" with very bad teeth. Oooookay....

Sydney, Riley & Bailey- There was never any question that the girls wanted to be Disney princesses, so I was thrilled to find 3 princess costumes at a reasonable price in September. I brought home the Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty costumes, set them out on the couch and hoped the girls would naturally gravitate to the appropriate costume without a fist fight. Bailey staked out Cinderella before the other two could protest, so Sydney grabbed Snow White ("She has bwackish hair just wike me!") which left Sleeping Beauty for Ri. Problem: none of the girls have seen Sleeping Beauty so none of them were interested in being her. "What princess is this?" Riley wanted to know. Thinking quick on my feet, I lied: "Ariel." "But Ariel has flippers!" Riley started to cry. "No, no... this is the dress Ariel wears after she has legs," I insisted, keeping the lie alive. New Problem: Now they ALL wanted the Sleeping Beauty dress because they all wanted to be Ariel With Legs. So there was a scuffle after all. Confouded by the fact that, after one party, the girls found a Belle costume (worn by Taylor when she was 4), and Dictator Bailey determined that Sydney had to be Belle since she looks like Belle, and then Bailey appropriated the Snow White costume. Just like a true tyrant. So, in the end, between all the parties we attended and the trick-or-treating, each girl was at least 2 different princesses. Except Riley, who wasn't about to give up the Ariel With Legs costume.

Keeping with tradition, the Rosses and Williamsons came over and we had dinner and then took the kids trick-or-treating together. Carter and Daniel went together, Kassidy and Taylor went together, and our friends each grabbed a little one, which left Quinn and I trailing along to watch the fun. The little guys dragged whoever was holding their hand from house to house, and we had to laugh at their tirelessness in pursuit of candy. Tanner insisted on saying "Happy Halloween!" to everyone he saw, and Riley shyly told everyone "Stank you" when they gave her candy. We had a great time! Call me ghoulish, but Halloween is my favorite! :)